Tag Archives: expectations

The Problem With Happiness

It’s a funny thing about amusement parks. They should be just about the happiest places on earth.

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But, as anyone who’s ever gone to Disneyland or Disney World, or Great Adventure, or LegoLand, or any other amusement park, there are gallons of tears shed by little tykes at these places.

Why?

I think it has to do with expectations.

Never mind that just being able to get through the entrance gates is a gift: a huge sacrifice for most middle-income parents or grandparents or from whomever is paying the entrance fee. (We shelled out 500 dollars the other day for Bruce and I, our daughter, and our two granddaughters. Not including parking fees and food and souvenirs.)

But kids don’t consider that kind of thing. They’re looking forward to rides and rides and rides, and snacks, and prizes and souvenirs and toys, and on and on.

So  the child enters through those noisy, crowded gates, heart aflutter, stomach buzzing, feet twitching to get to the first ride, any ride, jes-gimme-a-ride ride.

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The line is long for that first ride. It’s not the best ride, but at least it’s the nearest one to the entrance gate. All the other parents are thinking the same thing. So we inch along, slower than the proverbial snail.

At last the moment comes. We crawl into the kid-sized seats and pull the lap bar down firm against our middle-aged paunches.

The ride lasts about ten seconds. I see the look of surprised disappointment on my granddaughter’s face. That’s it? That’s what we waited half an hour for. One loop around, one scream, one dip, and we’re done?

Next, we head for the merry-go-round. That line is pretty long, too. I don’t go on this ride because I want to grab a few photos of the kids as they round the bend. The photos don’t come out too well, but at least the kids enjoyed the three go arounds.

Now they’re asking for a snack, so we head on over to the Asian food. We pay way too much, and the kids hardly touch their food. This is where I hear a kid whining about not being able to ride the roller coaster. A younger child is wailing because he didn’t get whatever. I didn’t want to eavesdrop.

We wait in the long line—there’s always a line— at the rest room. As we exit, I hear two other young kids crying.

My granddaughter is nervous about our next ride. It looks scary. I tell her “no worries ’cause we’re all strapped in and it doesn’t even go that high.”

The line for that ride wasn’t too awfully long maybe because one had to be at least three feet tall to ride. And we didn’t even have to go all the way to the top if we didn’t want to because we are the ones controlling the rope attached to the gears. Why didn’t we go higher up? my granddaughter asks afterward. Because you kept telling me to stop pulling us higher. You don’t like heights. But, after not getting killed on this particular ride, she’s a bit disappointed we didn’t risk going all the way to the top.

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I saw one dad try to get into a particular ride with a way-too-small child. After waiting for half an hour, he got turned away. But I didn’t feel too sorry for him. There was this bar at the entrance that said your child had to be at least this tall, but he must have thought the rule didn’t apply for him and for his child.

The weather is warm and this seems to make kids tired and cranky.

The smaller kids who still need to be wheeled around in strollers are complaining about being strapped into a hot seat. About ninety percent of them—the ones who aren’t asleep—are screaming for freedom.

The mothers have that harassed look you see when they’re about ten seconds away from going postal. They’re annoyed with the dads who aren’t helping with the screamer, even though the dads are carrying the camera, the diaper bag, with one kid on their shoulders and one in tow. (Is everybody happy?)

 

The ride workers have their instruction voices down cold. They’ve said their lines at least 16 billion times this season. They have smile lines etched into their faces like marionettes. I find myself simultaneously laughing and smarting at the thought of their daily grind. They remind me of the elves in Santa’s line in the movies, The Christmas Story.

What a happy place!

Mostly, Bruce and I enjoyed our seven hours of wait-lines and short rides and hot sun and cranky kids. Actually, our grandkids did amazingly well, considering the crowds and lines and exorbitant prices in the stores. I didn’t hear complaints. And I’m pleased with them. I hope they mature to the point that they don’t take the gift of attending an expensive amusement park for granted. I hope they got home and remembered to thank Mom and Dad for giving them such a great vacation instead of simply assuming it’s their due.

I thought a lot about this during those seven hours. How visiting an amusement park illustrates our human condition. We want to be happy, and happy all the time. We have expectations of pleasing ourselves 100 percent of the time. We forget about all the good things we’re getting or have gotten because of that one thing we didn’t get.

Why do we do that? I do that, and I hate than about myself. Each day I need to remind myself that life is not an amusement park. It may have amusement park moments, but these moments are only a part of our individual time-lines.

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I think the happy experience of the amusement park is happiest for those whose daily lives teach them that the expectation of constant happiness is simply not realistic, or even healthy. That this particular happy moment is a gift from God, a joyful handing over to His child a slice in time as a delectable and rare treat to be savored. And then, pleasing God by turning around and saying, “Wow, thanks, Lord. That was fun.”

 

 

 

Christmas Expectations

Each year in December I pull out the Christmas decorations, put on the Christmas music, write my Christmas cards, rehearse my Christmas music, plan my Christmas menus.

Because I have expectations.

If I plan well, and if I work hard to find just the right Christmas gift for my family and friends, I expect to have a successful Christmas.

I remember my childhood days surrounding Christmas:

  • the little decorations we made in school (yes, we were able to celebrate Christmas in the schools back then),
  • the Christmas carols that taught me about Jesus and filled my mind with magic about this season,
  • the wonderful family parties, filled with Norwegian treats, Norwegian traditions, Norwegian songs,
  • attending the Candlelight Christmas Eve service at church where I sang Gesu Bambino, or the Rejoice aria from Handel’s Messiah, or The Star Carol  more times than I can remember,
  • the perfect pine-y smelling Christmas tree.

Now, I like Jingle Bells, and Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. They’re festive songs that make me feel happy.

But lately I’ve come to appreciate the words from this Christmas carol:

“Come, though long-expected Jesus, born to set Thy people free.

From our fears and sins release us; Let us find our rest in Thee.

Israel’s strength and consolation, hope of all the earth Thou art.

Dear Desire of every nation, joy of every longing heart.” (Carol by Charles Wesley, Rowland Pritchard)

Where do I find my joy at this season?

At the repetition of cherished traditions? Or at the reminder that God left His place in heaven and—mystery of all mysteries—took on human flesh so that He might be fully human while fully God when He died on the cross for me, to take God’s wrath which should have been on me.

The Hebrew prophecies foretold His coming. The Israelites expected Him.

They earnestly desired Him to come.

But, just like me, their expectations were misplaced. For them, the expectation was for a mighty King to conquer the Romans and set up David’s rule again. For me, the expectation is not even that lofty. I want a baby I can place in the manger of my nativity set while I listen to cozy music and drink eggnog.

Oh God, help me to focus on the reality of Emmanuel, God with us.

That night, God emerged from Mary’s bloody thighs and drew His first human breath. Not a comfortable image, but one that spears my heart. For every mother desires and expects that her precious child will grow up and outlive his parents.

But Mary would live to see her first-born Son do something she most likely did not expect.

Die.

“(Jesus), Who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. and being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross!” (Phil. 2: 6-8 NIV Bible)